What happened when I asked for raw constructive criticism
As part of a workshop I've been taking part in, I was asked to take on an unthinkable task - ask for raw, honest feedback from the people who know me best. The purpose of this exercise was to help me explore my Shadow, the ugly, raw and rejected parts of my personality, which are often blind spots. In order to do this, I was to contact several people close to me to ask for their honest thoughts on 1) ways in which they believe I self-sabotage or hold myself back and 2) aspects of my personality which they find hurtful.
I knew who I was going to contact and had the email request written for a week before I built up the courage to send it, not quite ready to receive the feedback.
When it came time to process the responses, I'll be honest, I felt a nervous pit in my stomach. Reading the emails, I felt a little bit attacked. I felt defensive. I felt aggravated by some points and a little bit sad by others.
But then I sat down and went through each point and reflected on the truth behind each, which aspects I agree with, and which I could see their own beliefs influencing their response - so that I could ultimately walk away with the takeaways that I feel I can work with.
Here's what I discovered and why it was useful:
It gave me greater insight into the way that the people close to me actually perceive me (something that we often don't know the full truth about)
I (naturally?) feared the worst and the act of asking for feedback made me step into this fear and confront things that I could have otherwise kept under the rug. It reminded me that the things we fear are often worse in our minds than they are reality.
There are so many aspects of ourselves that remain hidden to our view. I now have more information about myself that I can use to help me keep growing.
Oftentimes doing the hard work of looking at yourself is not something you want to do - it's something you will need to do in order to access the growth you desire - whether that's in your work, relationships or personal life.
Have you ever done something like this? Was it helpful? If you haven’t, would you ever? Send me a message on Instagram and let me know what you did! I'd be really curious to know.
Want to try it yourself? Here's how:
1. Think of 1 - 3 people who know you well who you believe could offer you useful, honest feedback.
2. Send them each a private message letting them know that you are doing some reflecting and are interested in getting their honest views. Ask them to tell you one way in which they feel you are self sabotaging or holding yourself back, and one aspect of your personality they find hurtful or difficult. Depending on how open you feel to receiving their answers, you can ask them to share more than one point per question, but make sure to keep your request specific, succinct and avoid leaving it open ended.
3. Take the time to process their responses before you reply or make up your mind about what they have said. Approach their responses with an open mind and try to understand their perspective. Ultimately, decide for yourself which aspects of their responses are valid and you can use in a positive way going forward.
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